You are not going to be getting much action.

I'm pretty happy right now.

Sorry.

I am making this entry very very public.

I'm through with all the bullshit.

And she said, "I'll never love again."

"I know you won't get the reference," I said..."But I haven't cried this hard since Joe broke up with me. I'm sorry. I just needed to get that off of my chest."
__________________________________________________


"I can't have you. You've got all the boys and you're too flirtatious. Sorry. Idk I'm too jealous."

"...quit your crying, or I'll take away Driver's ed, and your phone."

"No, YOU are not YOU."

I love it when everything falls apart, together.

Bottles up, Bottles up, Drink it up.

I am not sure:
what I want from Kurt Alexandre Damare.
what I want from Cam'ron Tabatabai.
what I want from Cate Rose Wood.
what I want from Tatyana De Leon.
what I want from Joseph Hammond Benny.
of anything.

I am sure:
that Kurt is misunderstood.
that Cam'ron is actually a really good guy.
that Cate likes me more than her boyfriend.
that Tatyana is flirting with me like a champ.
that Joe Benny is the cutest man alive, by far.
of everything.

I trust:
Joe Benny.
Katrina Suzanne.
Connor Kragel.
in few.

I believe:
that everyone should have someone.
that I am destined to be alone and confused.
that I am a slut.
that Conor Bouton talks shit about me.
in magic.

I realize:
that I am selfish.
that I am a bitch.
that I am untrustworthy.
that I am scum.
that I have an addiction.
things.

I love:
getting fucked up.
being alone to think.
riding the metro.
being loved.
getting hurt.
you.

I can't stand:
how selfish you are.
how self-loathing you are.
how mean you were to me.
how you think of our friendship.
how you can make me cry and smile at the same time.
how weird of a couple we are.
how Mrs. Liu gives out 98765 projects.
you.

You are:
manipulative and pathetic.
incredible and loving.
sweet and innocent.
cute and lustful.
genuine and lonely.


None of you know anything.

I am really hurt by what has happened between me and Zach.
Really, really hurt. I really liked him.
Bottles up, chum.

youexxplode: well you are my favorite so dont worry about them

I wish you were here to drive them away.

I can feel it weaving through my veins.

2009.

Staring me down.
Bullying me.
Ready to tear me limb from limb.

What a bad fucking start.


Endings:
-There will be no more love/lust for Cam'ron Tabatabai or Joe Benny.
-There will be no more cheating on boyfriends.
-There will be no more play time with Katrina Suzanne.
-There will be no more lying to my parents.
-There will be no more trusting in others.
-There will be no more irresponsibility.
-There will be no more over-thinking.
-There will be no more bad eating habits.
-There will be no more epic proportions of laziness.
-There will be no more borrowing money.
-There will be no more splurging on commodities.

Beginnings:
-There will be one man or woman in my life, at a time.
-There will be smiling. Lots of it.
-There will be freedom.
-There will be family.
-There will be marijuana.
-There will be a job.
-There will be a car.
-There will be something new.

&& Hopefully, there will be a lot of Kurt Damare.

Let's desert this day of hurt;

T o m o r r o w w e ' l l b e f r e e .

L e t ' s n o t f i g h t , I 'm t i r e d . C a n ' t w e j u s t s l e e p t o n i g h t ?
D o n ' t t u r n a w a y , i t ' s j u s t t h e r e ' s n o t h i n g l e f t h e r e t o s a y .
Turn around, I know we're lost but soon we'll be found.

NAMELESS MENTIONS.

1.)Wow, you really do miss me.
Word to your mother.

2.)Wow, you are so unappreciative.
Word to your mother.

3.)Wow, you really had me fooled.
Word to your mother.

People who deserve honorable mention over the break:

Blake: For drinking so much, that when he awoke the next morning, he called to ask where he got all the bruises and scratches from.

[That guy at Alli's]Chris: For drinking so much, that when he went to go pee, he passed out, almost falling in the toilet.

[Another guy at Alli's]Jimmy: The only sober person. He hated the music, the people, the atmosphere, even the girl he was with.

Jake: For obsessing over Halo and Call Of Duty when he's fucked up.

Bryce: Making my Christmas Eve suck a bit less.

Finally.

Johnny Dale:
You are finally clean.
You finally call.
It's finally YOU and not the drugs.
I'm so happy for you.
Congratulations.
I love you.

Kurt Update:
This is who you are:
&& I know that this is who you are.
I'm ohkay with that.
&& I know that this is what you will always be.
I'm ohkay with that.

1. We broke up just after my post on December 24th, 2008.
2. We speak everyday.
3. He misses me.
4. He came over here.
5. He's never met my family, nor I, his.
6. His truck really does exist.
7. I remembered why I liked him.
8. We smoke pot together.
9. He regrets breaking up with me.
10. I secretly wanted him to be my New Year's Kiss.

He was texting to me, as I was texting to him.
...5...4...3...2...1...
The Ball Drops.
"Happy New Years, Sweetie." - 12:01.
My feelings for you are unexplainable.