A Gorgeous Face.

I don't mind the fact that he has me whipped

He prolly doesn't even know it.
He's really really good to me.
In fact... he's fucking amazing.
To be completely honest...
I've never felt this good dating anyone.

It is they, that make me so incredibly uncomfortable.
It is they that put this inane amount of pressure on me.

Think about this part:

Conor goes to a school where there are pretty girls who want to date him all of the time.
Where there are girls who would KILL to have him just for a second.

Now think about this:

I've got THE lowest self esteem, so I get to worry every three seconds about him finding someone prettier or nicer, or more genuine, or just better than me. I know him, and I know that he'd never do that to me. But, I'm scared, because that is ALL I know. I am less than everyone else. That is how it is. Half of these girls can't even tell me his favourite color, or his favourite song.. or even tell me his middle name. Most can't even pronounce his last name correctly. They don't know him as a person, they know him as a face. A Gorgeous Face. a gorgeous face that they want to kiss and touch and hold in their hands. That's my place. They want MY place. They might as well just take it right out from under me.

I am scared. Terrified. Upset.
I am feeble. Stupid. Naive.
I am manipulation at it's finest.
I am trust at it's weakest.




_____________________________________________


And listen to me, you are GORGEOUS and probably one of the nicest girl I've met. I sincerely mean it when i say the girls at my school don't compare to you, especially in Conor's eyes. The majority of girls at my school would die to get with him but exactly as you said, they know close to nothing about him which is exactly why they wont. Even the girls who are semi friends with him, he's not into them at all because he know he's got a great girl outside of school plus they only are interested because they saw him as a really hot guy. Dont ever say your less than everyone else because truth be told, your not and you should know that =]. I mean when i first saw you i thought you were really intimidating and not even just because of Conor just in general you looked like it so dont doubt yourself at all =D

Maybe Marissa is right?
Good Lord, I Hope So.
All I can see is a dumb slut.

Confusion of the masses:

I'm messing things up.
I knew I would.
God damn it.

Knowing I'm throwing this away is making me cry.
This is definitely worth the tears, though.
There is no denying it's worth.

I'm just a dumb bitch.
I always fuck things up.
Fuck my lifeeeeeee.

I feel horrible..
Terrible, horrible.
Absolutely wretched.



I'm feeding off of the little things.
Simply because, i haven't got anything big to go on.
This is so stupid.
He's fucking perfect.

When Thou Feels They Shant Speak...

I'm high. Shocker.
Gerry&Conor. Shocker.
Perception is perfect. Shocker.

Conor is gone now.
That doesn't make me feel good.

Every time I'm with him.
My feelings grow.

That scares me.
I miss him already.

Confusion.
Lots of it.

He's perfect.
That scares me.
I'm so far from it.

He's sweet, and really good to me.
That confuses me.
I'm a bitch.

I'm falling for him hard, ridiculously hard.
That just freaks me out.
I can't fall in love again.
I can't do it to myself.
Not this ever again.

I am a dumb ass, manipulative, destructive, bitch.

I haven't got a thing to say.

Other than:
I MISS CONOR.
I was just sitting here pondering that.

Music makes me think of that silly boy.
What will I do when he's gone?
<3

This one is for you:

Dear Me,
You poked smot! Bad girl.
Sincerely,
Me.

_____________________________________________
This weekend was horribly perfect. I loved it. I like sleeping next to him. I like kissing him in front of everyone. I like knowing that the bitches can't have him. I like breathing in and feeling him doing the same, simultaneously. I like my over-analyzed conclusion of his person. I like that he is more genuine than anyone I know. I like that he calls me his girlfriend, not JUST to me, but to other people too. I like him. I like him. I like him. A ridiculous amount.

_____________________________________________


Alright, here. I will unleash this to you with all of the glorious words I have.

I was lying in his arms thinking louder than I have ever thought before. I thought I was screaming, I thought I was yelling it at the top of my lungs. I wasn't. There wasn't a sound uttering from my lips. Other than, of course, an inane giggle, and a sensuous breath. I could feel the words coming up to my tongue and rolling off. "Not yet, calm down," I beckoned. They plummeted back into my throat. "Thank you," I thought to myself.

I've never felt that good.

The bottle of a Colt 45.

Pot makes me think long and hard about everything in my life.

That is why I smoke it.
Not for effect. Not to make people happy.
Not to be cool. Not to feel fucked up.

I smoke pot because it gives me the right perspective on my life.


I over-analyze and realize that I am not as happy as I seem.
I over-analyze and realize that I am just as happy as I seem.
I over-analyze and realize that I am not as lost as I seem.
I over-analyze and realize that I am just as lost as I seem.
I over-analyze and realize that I am not the person I want to be.
I over-analyze and suddenly, what seemed sure, isn't what is sure.


Suddenly. I never want to smoke pot again. But I will.

A Static Lullaby

Joe's coming over tomorrow. I am terrified. I do not want to mess things up with Conor. I will probably kiss Joe. I do not want to. I know me. I know me with Joe. I'm so scared. I made Joe promise nothing would happen. He has lied before. A lot.

I want to be with Conor.
I want to be with Conor.
I want to be with Conor.
I want to be with Conor.
I want to be with Conor.

I will fall in love with him. I know I will. I'm scared.





A kiss to send the stress to sunsets,
&& we forget to find a sound to make us move.






iamoverjoe.iamoverjoe.iamoverjoe.iamoverjoe.

I know I am. This just scares me.