You'd think that at this time of day, things would be good.
They would be lucky.
Sevens.
My beat.
Fuck today, though.
Just fuck it in the ass.
Fuck having to remember 12/11/08.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
The truth is...
-I can't trust you any longer.
-I put my faith in the wrong place.
-I'm not sure how I feel about you anymore.
Sucks to be you, I guess.
The funny thing about all of this is..
I'm not the one that's gonna get hurt this time.
You are.
[About Male 2]
_______________________________________
edit_
Male One:
Stop drifting in and out of my life.
Please come here and stay with me.
There are somethings you said that I can't get out of my brain.
Male One:"I consider them friend-kisses, just so I don't feel bad about cheating."
&&
Me: "I like you. And I missed you so so so so much."
Male One:" I like you too, and I missed you a lot."
Me: "I know you like me, it's preeeeeetty obvious."
Male One: "Name three signs."
Me: "You came here from 45 minutes away to see me. You kissed ME first when you got here. You just told me that you like me."
Male One: "Okay, I know I like you, but I seriously didn't think you'd come up with three things."
[insert glorious Male One kissies here.]
I'll always love you.
____________________________________
I didn't think you were telling the truth about making time for me and such.
I didn't think you were telling me the truth about missing me.
I didn't think that you wanted to be near me for any other reason than a good fuck.
[& MAN, WAS IT GOOD. It always has been.]
I loved seeing your smiling face next to me.
I loved the kisses you gave me.
I loved holding your hand, cuddling and watching a movie.
I loved when you told me you like me and that you missed me.
Beautiful boy, I love you. Uhg.
-I put my faith in the wrong place.
-I'm not sure how I feel about you anymore.
Sucks to be you, I guess.
The funny thing about all of this is..
I'm not the one that's gonna get hurt this time.
You are.
[About Male 2]
_______________________________________
edit_
Male One:
Stop drifting in and out of my life.
Please come here and stay with me.
There are somethings you said that I can't get out of my brain.
Male One:"I consider them friend-kisses, just so I don't feel bad about cheating."
&&
Me: "I like you. And I missed you so so so so much."
Male One:" I like you too, and I missed you a lot."
Me: "I know you like me, it's preeeeeetty obvious."
Male One: "Name three signs."
Me: "You came here from 45 minutes away to see me. You kissed ME first when you got here. You just told me that you like me."
Male One: "Okay, I know I like you, but I seriously didn't think you'd come up with three things."
[insert glorious Male One kissies here.]
I'll always love you.
____________________________________
I didn't think you were telling the truth about making time for me and such.
I didn't think you were telling me the truth about missing me.
I didn't think that you wanted to be near me for any other reason than a good fuck.
[& MAN, WAS IT GOOD. It always has been.]
I loved seeing your smiling face next to me.
I loved the kisses you gave me.
I loved holding your hand, cuddling and watching a movie.
I loved when you told me you like me and that you missed me.
Beautiful boy, I love you. Uhg.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Saturday, December 6, 2008
The whispers...
It’s so unclear. I hear them talking, but can’t make out the words. Speak up. Speak clear.
A blur of sounds. They collide.
Or perhaps, they collapse.
That's your choice.
Optimism or pessimism?
I don't feel as if I am a person anymore. As if I am me.
This situation slightly resembling, what would be considered, an "out-of-body" experience.
Today, I am refreshed.
I have been down for two days.
Two whole days.
Non-stop tears.
Non-stop depression.
Non-stop missing you.
I guess I'm kinda lame.
I even called you crying.
I didn't mean to.
I wanted you to care.
I haven't felt like anyone does.
I was hoping...
Praying...
Wishing with all of my heart...
That, maybe, just maybe...
You'd show me something?
I know you want to see me.
I know you love me.
I know you.
What I don't' know is..
Why you can't show me.
But, I guess the fact that I know is good enough?
edit_
I still can't believe that you blew me off today, and yesterday, and last weekend.
Maybe you're afraid of your parents?
Maybe you're too busy getting fucked up to worry about anything else?
Maybe you don't actually want to see me?
Maybe you're just stringing me along like every other boy.
Maybe I really really don't want you to be every other boy.
Show me something, kid.
I love to read your texts.
"Baby, I love you."
It never fails to make my heart skip a beat.
"I miss you."
It never fails to put a smile on my face.
edit_
WHEN ARE YOU GONNA ASK ME OUT, BOY?
A blur of sounds. They collide.
Or perhaps, they collapse.
That's your choice.
Optimism or pessimism?
I don't feel as if I am a person anymore. As if I am me.
This situation slightly resembling, what would be considered, an "out-of-body" experience.
Today, I am refreshed.
I have been down for two days.
Two whole days.
Non-stop tears.
Non-stop depression.
Non-stop missing you.
I guess I'm kinda lame.
I even called you crying.
I didn't mean to.
I wanted you to care.
I haven't felt like anyone does.
I was hoping...
Praying...
Wishing with all of my heart...
That, maybe, just maybe...
You'd show me something?
I know you want to see me.
I know you love me.
I know you.
What I don't' know is..
Why you can't show me.
But, I guess the fact that I know is good enough?
edit_
I still can't believe that you blew me off today, and yesterday, and last weekend.
Maybe you're afraid of your parents?
Maybe you're too busy getting fucked up to worry about anything else?
Maybe you don't actually want to see me?
Maybe you're just stringing me along like every other boy.
Maybe I really really don't want you to be every other boy.
Show me something, kid.
I love to read your texts.
"Baby, I love you."
It never fails to make my heart skip a beat.
"I miss you."
It never fails to put a smile on my face.
edit_
WHEN ARE YOU GONNA ASK ME OUT, BOY?
Friday, December 5, 2008
You've yoinked it away. :)
My little ounce of happy for the day.
Yeah, baby. You stole that right out from under me.
I'm ohkay with being second in your life.
Hell, I'm ohkay with being third or last.
As long as I am something.
Lately, I've been asking myself:
"Do you even want to see me?"
Too terrified to ask you, considering you might get offended.
Considering you probably would get offended.
Yeah. You'd be offended.
It's a good thing that I know that much about you.
STOP TRYING TO UPSTAGE ME.
Not everything is a contest. If I'm not ohkay you ask what's wrong.
You do not tell me how you're just as shitty.
Take care of me for like three seconds.
It all started last night...
Joe called.
Joe: "Blainey, can I come hang out with you?"
Me: "Joe, why do you only call when you want some ass, or need pot, or I don't know. You barely even fucking talk to me anymore."
Joe: "Never mind. You've got school tomorrow.. right? I just wanted to hang out with you."
Me: "Uhg. whatever I'm going back to sleep."
-Five minutes later, I feel horrible for snapping at him. I call back because all I can think about is how amazing it would feel to lay next to him for like an hour or, goodness gracious, until morning.-
Me: "I lied, please come back. I just want to see you."
Joe: "Blainey, I can't now, I'm headed the other direction on Mussetter."
Me: "Please just fucking come back, Joe, you never have time for me, and you finally do."
Joe: "Blainey, I'm going to be free next time you are free. I will come see you, I promise."
..I realize that no matter what, if he asked me to jump, I'd say, "How fucking high do you need my jump to be? One leg or two? Distance hop or in-place?" How fucking sad is that?
edit_
I'm still WAITING.
Ask.
Yeah, baby. You stole that right out from under me.
I'm ohkay with being second in your life.
Hell, I'm ohkay with being third or last.
As long as I am something.
Lately, I've been asking myself:
"Do you even want to see me?"
Too terrified to ask you, considering you might get offended.
Considering you probably would get offended.
Yeah. You'd be offended.
It's a good thing that I know that much about you.
STOP TRYING TO UPSTAGE ME.
Not everything is a contest. If I'm not ohkay you ask what's wrong.
You do not tell me how you're just as shitty.
Take care of me for like three seconds.
It all started last night...
Joe called.
Joe: "Blainey, can I come hang out with you?"
Me: "Joe, why do you only call when you want some ass, or need pot, or I don't know. You barely even fucking talk to me anymore."
Joe: "Never mind. You've got school tomorrow.. right? I just wanted to hang out with you."
Me: "Uhg. whatever I'm going back to sleep."
-Five minutes later, I feel horrible for snapping at him. I call back because all I can think about is how amazing it would feel to lay next to him for like an hour or, goodness gracious, until morning.-
Me: "I lied, please come back. I just want to see you."
Joe: "Blainey, I can't now, I'm headed the other direction on Mussetter."
Me: "Please just fucking come back, Joe, you never have time for me, and you finally do."
Joe: "Blainey, I'm going to be free next time you are free. I will come see you, I promise."
..I realize that no matter what, if he asked me to jump, I'd say, "How fucking high do you need my jump to be? One leg or two? Distance hop or in-place?" How fucking sad is that?
edit_
I'm still WAITING.
Ask.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Anticipation ran through my bones...
and my clothes never fit right.
I can't wait 'til we meet again.
First comes heavy breathing.
Staring at the ceiling.
What will happen next?
I don't wanna know.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iqgq4Lj-rE0
___________________________
edit_
You've stopped calling like you used to. You used to call every morning. I loved it. I'd wake up and think about you all day. My days weren't bad then. I'm not sure how I feel about that. It means were drifting apart. That bothers me. More than I thought it might. Truth is, I love talking to you on the phone, and through texts, and in person. I love being near you, and trusting you. That is a big thing. Me trusting you, I mean. A big, big, huge, ginormous thing. But, I know you're gonna fuck me over. I'm trying not to let you get in too close, but your gaining strides on my tiny footsteps.
Sing at me, scream at me.
I want to hear your voice.
I can't wait 'til we meet again.
First comes heavy breathing.
Staring at the ceiling.
What will happen next?
I don't wanna know.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iqgq4Lj-rE0
___________________________
edit_
You've stopped calling like you used to. You used to call every morning. I loved it. I'd wake up and think about you all day. My days weren't bad then. I'm not sure how I feel about that. It means were drifting apart. That bothers me. More than I thought it might. Truth is, I love talking to you on the phone, and through texts, and in person. I love being near you, and trusting you. That is a big thing. Me trusting you, I mean. A big, big, huge, ginormous thing. But, I know you're gonna fuck me over. I'm trying not to let you get in too close, but your gaining strides on my tiny footsteps.
Sing at me, scream at me.
I want to hear your voice.
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