Ahh! Boys Make Girls Do Weird Things...

Like stay up all night thinking about what they did wrong.
Hoping to apologize and make everything better.

Like hoping that the hours pass by faster.
So she can see a boy she fancies sooner.

Like loving unconditionally and hating every second of it.
Knowing he doesn't want it anymore. :[

Like writing a message to him in the wee hours of the morning.
Giving him something to smile at as he awakens.

Boys, like you, make girls, like me, miserably happy, and happily miserable.
Girls, like me, wish boys, like you, knew how much you meant to them, even though they couldn't ever know.

I've been craving to kiss you for a couple days now.
Get here as soon as you can. I want to fulfill my craving. <3
You have the most gorgeous smile.
I can't help but smile, when see it.

...Why am I crying writing this?

I have a crush on a boy.
He's not Joe.
Does that mean I don't like Joe?
NOT AT ALL.
Fucking bastard has my entire heart.
Always will.

I love school.
But thank GOD, I'm almost out of here.
Four classes a day, and I'm STILL unable to focus.

I should have stayed a virgin. I should have stayed pristine, and I should be a goody-two-shoes.

In Hate Versus Love. I Choose "Versus."

I hate him for making my life miserable.
I love him more than anything.
I hate him for breaking my heart.
I love him for patching it back up again.
I hate him for wanting to be near her.
I love him for hurting her.
I hate him for putting me second to everything in his life.
I love how he is happier with me than anywhere else.
I hate how I love him unconditionally.



He took that for me. We were taking pictures and he got really excited and said he'd go take me a good picture of him. he was complaining that he didn't like the pictures I was taking of him. After a few minutes, he came back into the room, and handed me the camera with a big smile on his face. I as I gazed upon the picture he had taken for me, I began to blush, smile, and get a little happier than I had been in a long time.
Why is it that he makes me so fucking miserable when were away from eachother. But the second we're together we're the happiest people on the face of this planet. It's like we need eachother to survive.

I will never date him again. Ever.
Maybe that's just the hate talking.

Long Time, No See, Blogger.

I can't take this anymore.
I think I'm falling out of love with him, and into like.

I think that's good.
I just want things to go back to how they were, though.

I thought they might for a few days.
Then I fucked up.
I'm sorry, baybee. I really am.

I think I have another UTI.
I'm secretly not telling him.
Hoping he'll get one too.

Maybe then he can feel SOME sort of pain.
Even if it's not emotional. =/

Fuck this boat.

Fuck this choice.

Fuck being violated.

Fuck hoping he'll choose me.

Fuck hoping I can have my cake and eat it too.

Come hither, Mr. Vacation, you little devil. <3333
^^He's my TRUE love. <33

You just left.
I watched your car drive away into the distance of my long street. I watched as the red lights veered around the corner until it was virtual black at the top of the street, with slight light emanating off of the street lamp a few feet down the next road. I watched for minutes, moments, and what seemed to be hours hoping maybe you'd come back, but you never did. I strolled dismally into my house, greeted by my barking dog, and a half-lit home. I went up to my room; sitting on the edge of the bed, I immediately burst into tears thinking, "I shouldn't have kissed him, I should have never asked him to come over. I fucked up, again." Not because of anything that you did while you were here, but because any time that there is the slightest bit of hope; a slight glimmer in your eyes that says you might want me back, I get so excited. Exceeding the limits of hopefulness, each time, I am let down by a less than surprising move on your part. I give you love, kindness, trust, friendship, and so much more, and you give me... hope that something that will never get better will get better. Your gift is the worst and best gift in the entire world. The worst because, my hopes are so high that you'll be mine again, I don't see the forest through the trees, and I don't realize this cycle is never going to end. The best because for those thirty seconds where my hopes are up, I'm the happiest I will ever be. I'm willing to be hurt one thousand times over, as long as in between the hurt, I get to feel like you still love me.

Just remember that I'm here, and always will be.

Here's the issue.

Obviously as you know, I love Joe. However, lately been having problems, as you would already know as well... I gave up on the situation and decided to just be his friend. then I went on a date with this guy Taylor, who I really like, and he likes me, and everything went really well with that. Well... I spent the night at my friend Katt's dad's apartment, with Joe and her last night. And suddenly, Joe had never been more honest or affectionate. Suddenly it seems like he wants me back, again. And today, he asked me to choose between him and Taylor. Here were my options.

Choose Taylor - Get to be with a boy I could potentially love, and be happy with, and lose Joe even as a friend.

Choose Joe- Lose a guy I could potentially fall head over heels for, and hope that maybe Joe will decide he wants to date me again, and wait until that happens.

Bare in mind, I still love Joe. But being with Taylor on our date, and earlier today made me incredibly happy, and.. he's an awesome kisser. [Sorry. xD]

Also, bare in mind, spending yesterday and part of today with Joe has made me just want to be with him again. I sent him a text after he had to leave this morning, that basically said, "You're smart, funny, gorgeous, amazing, perfect, and i miss you already." And he [a guy that hasn't responded to my texts and virtually never says anything showing he cares] replied with, "You're all that and a box of chocolates. I miss you too."

Yesterday went like this:
Date with Taylor.
He had to leave because he had lessons [vocal & guitar]
Met up with Joe.
I snuck away from the group and called Taylor.
Joe came out, and realized that I wasn't calling my mom and that it was Taylor.
He admitted that it made him really unhappy to know I was talking to another guy, romantically.
Joe and I drove to the park and talked, and everything got amazingly better.
Joe spent the night.
I woke up in Joe's arms, he cuddled with me the WHOLE night.
[Which he hasn't done in months, not since we were dating.]
Joe left for an orthodontist appointment really early.
Taylor came over.
I fondled Taylor.
Felt horrible about it.
Taylor left.
I called Joe, asking him to come over.
Joe came over.
Told Joe nothing about Taylor.
Joe asked me to choose one of them. =/
I told Joe I chose him.
When really. I don't know who I choose.

Fucking shit. =/



Taylor is a fucking amazing kisser. Hands down.
Gosh, I really like him. =[



But.. I really LOVE Joe. =/