youexxplode: blaine you need to give yourself more credit you are great and any guy would be lucky to date you but thats just what happens when some immature little boy cant handle his drugs
youexxplode: i know nothing i say will make you feel any better but i thought i should tell you that anyway
youexxplode: just dont forget it

[Kurt-talk]

youexxplode: i like your name
Ohhh x Bumblebee: I hate my name.
Ohhh x Bumblebee: xD
youexxplode: i like it
youexxplode: its unique
youexxplode: i dont think i know anyone else with the name blaine
Ohhh x Bumblebee: It fits me
Ohhh x Bumblebee: but I don't like me either
Ohhh x Bumblebee: sooooo
Ohhh x Bumblebee: xD
youexxplode: whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?!?!?!?!?!
youexxplode: are you insane?!
youexxplode: whats not to like
youexxplode: huh huh huh?!
Ohhh x Bumblebee: I like YOU.
Ohhh x Bumblebee: I wish you lived closer.
Ohhh x Bumblebee: Fuck being my male attachment
Ohhh x Bumblebee: you could be my boyfriend
Ohhh x Bumblebee: omfg
Ohhh x Bumblebee: I used that word!
youexxplode: :-D
youexxplode: you should move closer ASAP
Ohhh x Bumblebee: I knowwww. I want to.
Ohhh x Bumblebee: You're good ot me.
Ohhh x Bumblebee: *to
youexxplode: you would be an awesome girlfriend
Ohhh x Bumblebee: You would be an incredible boyfriend.
youexxplode: <3
Ohhh x Bumblebee: <3
youexxplode: we would just be an incredible couple
Ohhh x Bumblebee: I know!
youexxplode: the end
Ohhh x Bumblebee: Can I call you?
youexxplode: plus you are really really pretty and if we were dating id probably never stop kissing you
youexxplode: and i would like that very much
Ohhh x Bumblebee: I can call you?
Ohhh x Bumblebee: Silly boy.
Ohhh x Bumblebee: You would have to stop kissing me
Ohhh x Bumblebee: SO I COULD KISS YOU.
youexxplode: you can try but i have like no service where i am right now cause im at my dad's and i won't be home until sunday
youexxplode: cause im in ohio and it sucksssssssss
youexxplode: haha you are too cute
youexxplode: i wanna give you a big hug and lift you up and spin you around then then give you a cute little kiss on the nose
Ohhh x Bumblebee: My mouth would be jealous of the action my nose was getting. Could it have some too?
youexxplode: of courseeeeeeeee
youexxplode: you can have all the kisses you went where ever you want how ever you want them :-)
Ohhh x Bumblebee: I am listening to your myspace playlisttt. :]
youexxplode: as long as i get to kiss you i dont care :-)
Ohhh x Bumblebee: I'm smiling and dancing.
Ohhh x Bumblebee: You made this Christmas a good one. A REALLY good one.
Ohhh x Bumblebee: <3
youexxplode: aww but i didnt even do anything!
youexxplode: if i lived closer id come by right now and suprise you with hot cocoa and keep you company till its midnight then surprise you with a gift
youexxplode: since it would be such short notice though id probably make you a gift so it wouldnt be that great
Ohhh x Bumblebee: You are the sweetest guy EVER.
youexxplode: haha no way
youexxplode: you must have me mistaken for someone else



youexxplode: 4 hours is far but not far enough to make not wanna come see you

[If he comes to see me then I will fucking GO HOME with him.]

I'm easily frustrated and you are not helping.

I'm destined to be alone.

Cody is pretty. :D

ONE OF THESE PEOPLE IS CODY.
The other.. is NOT.

...none of my issues seem important to me anymore.

I plan to get my head out of my ass.
& worry about those who matter.

I get nervous

When I see Zach Zapata:
because he looks like you.
because he sounds like you.
because he is the closest thing I have to you.

I'm having a panic attack.
Fuck.

I can't catch my breath.
I can't settle down.
You have that effect on me.
& you're not even here.

I'm having a panic attack.
Fuck.

There you are, sir.

You know what else? You stopped calling like you used to.. or talking to me like you used to. It's like you think that you don't have to try with me anymore because you've already caught me. It's dumb. WHY DO GUYS DO THAT. ERG. I'm going to regret saying these things in the morning. But I need to clear my head. I am sorry. Please don't take this as you're a fuck up, or as I don't like you anymore, and don't think that I deserve better. because if I wanted better. I wouldn't have chosen you to be with. On a scale of one to ten here is what I honestly think. [1 is lowest priority 10 is highest]. Drugs are about a 37 and I am about a... 3? I completely understand your drug use. & I completely understand your alcohol abuse. You do it because anything is better than reality. I DO THE SAME THING. But please GOD consider the fact that MAYBE you can be happy without that shit being choked down your throat everyday. Let me in, Kurt. Cool, I haven't gained your trust yet? Rad. Even if it's not me that you let in. Let SOMEONE in. Jean-Claude, maybe? You cna be happy if you want to be. But in allll honesty. I don't think you want to be. So, yeah. You grew up with a family that fucked you over. So, yeah. The accident made you miserable, it traumatized you. So, yeah. All of your friends have now gone away to college, and you have no idea what to do with yourself when you can't see them. I get it. You feel alone. You don't understand why you are here. Why you are alive. You feel like no one can even remotely relate to you and your woes. You hate yourself. You want nothing more than to be up in heaven with your family members. You miss them. I get it. Here's the deal. You would NOT be here, unless you were meant to be. I strongly believe that with every fiber of my being. I would NEVER give you false hope, or tell you shit will get better when it won't. I am honest. brutally honest. Things COULD get better. If you let them. All I want to do is help everything get better for you. And be with you, and see you whenever I can. I will be there when your dad beats you. I will be there when you get SO fucked up that you can't move, or forget to breathe, or choke on your vomit, or in any other way, maim yourself. If you let me be there. I can't help you if you won't let me. So this allll depends on you. If you want help, you need to trust me. I'm not like everyone else. I am me. I'm crazy and abrasive and vulgar. I can be sweet as sugar or a raging bitch. I am intelligent, wise, and hold no special talents other than hoping for the best for everyone but herself. You can take a chance and let me in. Or you can drop this whole stupid thing we have here. Where I give a lot and you give nothing. Not even a freaking phone call.

I just ruined the fact that I had 77 posts...

jben3456: you dont love me the same do you
Ohhh x Bumblebee: Not like you love me.
Ohhh x Bumblebee: But yes. I do love you.
jben3456: no i mean the same as you used to
Ohhh x Bumblebee: No, I don't.
Ohhh x Bumblebee: I caged myself off from that.
Ohhh x Bumblebee: a long long time ago
jben3456: yea thougt so
jben3456: but just wondering
Ohhh x Bumblebee: You don't love me like that.. do you?
Ohhh x Bumblebee: It isn't possible.
Ohhh x Bumblebee: You loved Lilly.
Ohhh x Bumblebee: or do love Lilly.
Ohhh x Bumblebee: And I love Joe.
Ohhh x Bumblebee: You know?
jben3456: i am infatuated with lilly
jben3456: love is a bit much
Ohhh x Bumblebee: Oh. : /
jben3456: i know you love joe though
jben3456: i wish i could find love again
Ohhh x Bumblebee: You just haven't met her yet.
Ohhh x Bumblebee: I got lucky with Joe.
Ohhh x Bumblebee: But he doesn't love me anymore
Ohhh x Bumblebee: That sucks.
Ohhh x Bumblebee: We still have sex, though.
Ohhh x Bumblebee: I cheated on my last two boyfriends with him.
jben3456: mabby you wherent his girl
Ohhh x Bumblebee: I was his girl. I mean..
Ohhh x Bumblebee: he loves me.
Ohhh x Bumblebee: just not like he used to.
Ohhh x Bumblebee: you know?
Ohhh x Bumblebee: And then..
Ohhh x Bumblebee: He met Juliana.
Ohhh x Bumblebee: and.. he really likes her.
Ohhh x Bumblebee: but he cheats on her with me.
jben3456: i already hate the kid
Ohhh x Bumblebee: And.. he slept over on Sunday
jben3456: wow
Ohhh x Bumblebee: orr
Ohhh x Bumblebee: Saturday
Ohhh x Bumblebee: and he like..
Ohhh x Bumblebee: confessed all these things
Ohhh x Bumblebee: like.. that he doesn't feel good with her like he does with me
Ohhh x Bumblebee: and stuff.
Ohhh x Bumblebee: and it got my hopes up.
Ohhh x Bumblebee: I cried when he fell asleep.
Ohhh x Bumblebee: : /
jben3456: dont go geting your self hurt
Ohhh x Bumblebee: I will ALWAYS be hurt by Joe
jben3456: again
Ohhh x Bumblebee: and I will ALWAYS allow it.
Ohhh x Bumblebee: just because
Ohhh x Bumblebee: inbetween the hurt
Ohhh x Bumblebee: I get to be with him
Ohhh x Bumblebee: for one millisecond.
Ohhh x Bumblebee: and that millisecond
Ohhh x Bumblebee: is worth the ten thousand hurts
jben3456: you see thats what i want
jben3456: a girl capible of puting up with every thing just because she loves me
jben3456: except my goal is to not hurt her
Ohhh x Bumblebee: You fucked that up once.
Ohhh x Bumblebee: I felt that way about you.
Ohhh x Bumblebee: Once upon a time.
jben3456: well i hope joe dosnt fuck it up and his cheating as
jben3456: ass*
Ohhh x Bumblebee: I cheat with him
Ohhh x Bumblebee: He cheats with me.
jben3456: i dont understan how joe dosnt break your heart when he dose all this crap
jben3456: and how you put up with it
Ohhh x Bumblebee: Joe and I aren't dating.
Ohhh x Bumblebee: We haven't been dating since..
Ohhh x Bumblebee: June 11th.
jben3456: i know but he broke up with you
jben3456: and that should of tore you apart
Ohhh x Bumblebee: It did.
Ohhh x Bumblebee: The first second
Ohhh x Bumblebee: and DEFINITELY the third time.
jben3456: but you still want him eh
Ohhh x Bumblebee: Always.
jben3456: that what i want and you cant say you gave that to me
Ohhh x Bumblebee: I stayed with you thourgh MORE that what Joe has put me through.
Ohhh x Bumblebee: and with Joe I was more experienced.
jben3456: still
jben3456: you know it not the same
Ohhh x Bumblebee: I gave you all that I coudl give at my age.
jben3456: i was way less experienced and half the time i didnt know what i did wrong
jben3456: i still cant figure out some thing but i still thik about ot
jben3456: it*
jben3456: i know and im not saying you did any thing wrong
jben3456: i just cant wait to have what you can give, from any one
Ohhh x Bumblebee: I'm sorry, baby.
jben3456: me too
Ohhh x Bumblebee: : /
jben3456: :.(
Ohhh x Bumblebee: I lovessssss you.
Ohhh x Bumblebee: :D
jben3456: you know this is the first time iv felt sad in a long time hehe
Ohhh x Bumblebee: I'm SO SORRY!
jben3456: i have be takeing every thing lighly and not worying about
jben3456: anthig
jben3456: anything
jben3456: its not your
jben3456: falut
jben3456: its mine
jben3456: i cant belive im actuly crying
Ohhh x Bumblebee: Jacob!!!!!
Ohhh x Bumblebee: NO!
jben3456: iv been doing this thing where like every week i go insayn
Ohhh x Bumblebee: ?
jben3456: and i like try and reales all the stress and shit but
jben3456: i dont think it works
jben3456: and now im crying
jben3456: i havent cryed for 6 months
Ohhh x Bumblebee: You have to show emotions allll the time
Ohhh x Bumblebee: or your basically fucked.
jben3456: well for some odd reason iv begon to believ that nothing i seriuse and every thing is cool even when its not
jben3456: blaine i love you and
jben3456: right now thats all i care about
jben3456: dont ask me why
jben3456: its just comferting
Ohhh x Bumblebee: I love you too, Jacob Thomas Bennington.
jben3456: i allways remember that
jben3456: hehe