You're right, I haven't updated in a while.

I probably should.

So here I am.

I had this amazing weekend, finally free of my family. No one to answer to except myself. Well, that was until Conor called. He is angry and confused, and upset over the thing that comes in eight days. The anniversary of his friend's death. he helped me realize I am more selfish than I think I am. I was more worried about the fact he was being mean to me than I was about why he was being that way. I'm kinda of a bitch. Although, I was craving to hear his stupid voice. But it's ohkay, revenge is a bitch. I got drunk and ghooked up with Cate and hung out with his friends. My life is better now. Cate is an awfully good kisser. :]

So there is this new guy. At first, my plan was to just string him along. Maybe make him care about me a bit so I could hurt him. I can't hurt him now. He will hurt me first. I promise that. He is like me. He is everything bad about me, and everything I like about the bad ex's i've had. That is him. He is nice, until he gets annoyed. he screams at his parents for nothing. He has piercings. Some, that I want. he is loyal to his friends, and not so good to his girlfriends. he is a drug addict, and he drinks more than anyone I know. He smokes.. too much. Smoker's cough sounds like he's gonna die. He's like Johnny but better. His voice is just like Joe's. when I hear it, my bones quake. He likes UnderOATH maybe as much as I do. I can't get attached to a guy Iv'e never physically met. Although, maybe that's the best kind of guy. One that you're not just physically attracted to. I've had bad luck with those tough. But, wait! I dont' want top hurt Leah. She's not my friend and her life and my life don't really coinside, but you don't touch another girls ex. It's kinda like the rules. Well, maybe I deserve to be happy for a little while this time?Unfortunately, he likes me. That's the worst part. That officially means he's bad news.


I spent time with my brother last night. He actually enjoys my company, can you believe that? Who the hell would want to spend time with a fuck-up like me? Rudy doesn't want me to move out or go away because he, too, hates this place we have to call home. He is a really good kid. I hope he doesn't end up like me because that's what he grew up around. He gets me better than they do.

Don't you hate when you can hear your mother talking shit about you to the rest of your family? Always just loud enough for you to hear, always just quiet enough so that you have to listen closely. Terrible.

Don't you hate when music tells you exactly how you feel? It's almost like it can convince you of anything because the beat is so rhythmic, because the thoughts in your mind are already jumbled. Horrible.

Control yourself. Take only what you need from it.
The water is warm, but it is sendin' me shivers.